make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
