what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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