I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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