dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
