The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We need to get me chipped asap
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
