this boner is exhausting
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
