I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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