I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize