after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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