dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
