No awkward lesbian experiences without me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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