at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i think i have herpe
just one?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
