I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
