the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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