I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
