I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How does it feel to date your dad?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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