Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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