she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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