Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
