Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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