Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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