Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
