well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
