when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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