Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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