Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
