I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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