Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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