exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
