I am puke
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
