Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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