question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
