Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
