I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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