just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
