We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
