I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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