I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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