Kareoke will never be a sober sport
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
