so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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