Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
