Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
