I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
