Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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