So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
