I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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