"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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