just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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