Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
