They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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