I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
