The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
honey bunches of taint.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
