I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
