Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
