i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
