I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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