If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
