My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
