Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
