I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
