Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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