3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
