"it" just moved
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize