my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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