totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
