Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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