Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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