Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
