OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
