how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
