This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
porn star boner night. come get it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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