your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize