3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am naked and annoyed.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
