...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
