I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
