apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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