I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
