he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You took a bar mat shot.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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