we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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