I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
vagina is talking i cant
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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