just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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