Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
