even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
