My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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