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thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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