The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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