found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize