I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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