glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize